The Beast in the Corner Sept 15th 2013

I didn't post anything special about the anniversary of two attacks on America this past Wednesday (9/11/01 and 9/11/12) because I think that we all have our own thoughts and memories and emotions, and to be honest it was too emotional a day for me to be delving into it. I'm not going to go into the politics or the religion of the attacks. The war that these attacks were a part of is centuries old and while I have my opinions about it, this is not the place for them. What I will talk about, however, is the experience of being touched by death, especially in unexpected and sudden circumstances. 

Most of us can understand this because we've experienced it. Whether it is the sudden horrendous shock of watching on television as thousands of people are massacred, or the surreal experience of having a loved one die as you are trying to save them, it is a thing that changes us and changes our world... and no matter how many people have experienced the same thing, nobody can know exactly how we feel. We aren't the same person that we were before, nor will we ever be. Indeed, whether it involves three thousand strangers or one loved one, our world is changed. It is as if a traumatic bookmark has been placed in the volume of our life. Old pages have not been ripped out, but the turning point... the critical page has been folded and mutilated beyond recognition, and the binding bent and cracked at that point. The book will never be the same. It will never be new again. Never pristine.

In one of my more creative moments this week, I wrote something on my Facebook author page. It may seem somewhat morbid. If so, please forgive me. "An old death is a beast in a forgotten corner, waiting to be noticed."

That beast will never go away. That corner is part of our life... part of our soul, and the beast will live there forever, like any traumatic incident. All we can do is live our lives in recognition of the beast and the corner. We can't deny it, we can't get rid of it. All we can do is establish a peace with it so we can move on and make the most of the gift that is our life. It might help to remember that while others can't know exactly how you feel, most have experienced the same thing. Darkness can be easier to take if you don't go it alone. And it is also important to remember that even if a loved one is gone, you are not. You have a life and a destiny and gifts to give to the world. In my case, I have chosen to honor my late wife by getting my personal house in order and by making regular donations to good, reputable causes. It is my way of turning a negative into a positive. It is a way to embrace life in the face of death. 

Adult or Mature? Sept 8th 2013

Just a quick extra note here. Some of you might expect me to talk about Syria here, but I'm not going to. It isn't my purpose to try to tell people what they should think about certain issues. These are very important to all of us and the world, and people of conscience should make their voices heard. But just as most of you know how I feel about this issue, I know that you all make decisions and form opinions with intelligence and compassion. I'm not going to try to improve on that :)

Last week I touched very briefly on the difference between 'maturity' and today's usage of 'adult'. I'd like to talk about that a bit more this week. Most people maintain hobbies of some kind, whether that involves sports, television, games or other activities. And of course there's nothing wrong with that. In a world that is increasingly tense and uncertain, harmless distraction is often the only thing that can relax us at the end of a long day or lower the blood pressure a bit on a day off. There's nothing immature or irresponsible about that as long as we keep it in perspective, don't hurt anyone and meet our responsibilities. So why am I going on about this? Because depending on your hobby of choice, some may decide that enjoying it means you haven't grown up yet. 

I beg to differ. What you do with your time off is your business. Maturity is, in my opinion, defined by the standards you set for yourself and how strictly you adhere to them. Do you clean yourself up, make your bed and present a positive image to the world? Have you given in to the temptation to wear flip flops and pajama pants to the store? Do you speak politely to people you meet? Do you harass the cashier at the grocery store because they ask if you need anything else or if you want to donate to some charity? (Having been a cashier I can tell you that they say these things because they are told to. They're doing their job). The point is, by caring about the image that you project to the world and presenting yourself as positively as you can, you are showing real maturity. By treating people with respect you are doing the real 'adult' thing.

If it seems like I go back to this subject often, it's because I think that a great many of our problems today are a result of a lack of basic respect for people with whom we disagree. People are going to disagree on things. Our free will makes that inevitable, but it also makes the world a better place. If everyone had the same opinion about everything, I believe that the world would be much poorer place. An interchange of ideas and opinions leads to innovative thinking and helps us to broaden our horizons. But many of us lack tolerance for opposing ideas. I'm not trying to say that we should accept every viewpoint. There are ideas in the world that must be opposed just as there are evil people who must be confronted and must not be tolerated. But there are also many people who have different opinions and interests with whom we can hold polite discussion and discourse. That is the key to acting like a real adult in the world. Presenting your own opinions and interests respectfully, allowing for opposing views and discussing them with reason rather than passion. And of course, presenting yourself to the world in a way that demonstrates the respect you have for yourself and others.

Dignity Sept 1st 2013

"This above all — to thine own self be true"

"For the apparel oft proclaims the man"

-Polonius

Hamlet, Act One, scene iii

William Shakespeare

These two ideas have been stirring in my mind for the last few weeks, and thanks to Miley Cyrus they've finally coalesced into something hopefully coherent. I actually disagree with Shakespeare and Polonius about the apparel proclaiming the man. We all have dignity within us that cannot be hidden by old, worn clothing or taken by poverty or unfortunate circumstance. I spent a brief time decades ago in a homeless shelter. It was simply a case of misfortune. The only job I could find where I lived was a temporary job, and it ran out. I couldn't find another. So I needed a place to go for shelter and help while I got back on my feet. I did so, and then went back to the shelter to volunteer for the same amount of time that I had spent living there. It seemed the only decent thing to do. But the point is, while I was there, I got up early every day. I showered, I didn't drink, I didn't panhandle and I didn't blame the world for my problems. I accepted my circumstances and did the best I could to rise above them. Here's the point though. At no point during that experience did I use it as an excuse to let go of my dignity. I never gave up on success or prosperity BY MY OWN HAND. It was never a matter of, 'this is what life has done to me so now you have an obligation give me something'. It was always a matter of 'what can I do to survive and get out of here'. And I did. I kept myself clean, I found a job, I saved money and I got out. 

These days, however, you can't seem to walk down the street without seeing groups of people sitting at bus stops or around the corner from convenience stores drinking and laughing and bemoaning what the rich have done to them. Then they stop long enough to panhandle from you. You may have lost your job because of the economy. You may have been outsourced or laid off to protect a profit margin. That is all possible and if so it isn't your fault. But nobody is forcing you to sit out in public drinking and panhandling. You made that decision. You are responsible for that. You have given away your dignity in favor of a cheap beer or whatever else. That is your choice, but it also says something about your character. I sympathize and actually empathize with your circumstances, but we both know that you can deal with it better than that. I've actually talked to a few of our local homeless people, and some of them have talked about plans to get to where there are more jobs. To clean up and take control of their lives. That's fine, except that two months later, the same people are there, looking more worn and torn and tattered, drinking a little more and singing the same song about what they are going to do. There are people who will help, but you have to go to them and ask. That willingness to walk away from the corner, from the other homeless people, the drinking friends who live at the same bus stop or parking lot is called dignity. 

And Miley Cyrus. Miley Cyrus has given us a prime example of the fact that (just as poverty cannot rob you of it) riches and fans and noteriety cannot give you dignity. Just as a homeless person can show great dignity, a mega star who has millions of dollars can shed it quicker than she sheds her clothes. I find it curious that one tries to demonstrate her 'adulthood' by acting in a way that is anything but mature. Sort of the same logic as calling a strip club a 'gentleman's club'. It is in truth just the opposite.