Bat Boy Was Last One Out!

When Government agents stormed the offices of the Weekly World News this
past week, the staff were not unprepared. Billions of files had already been
uploaded to a ship docked with the International Space Station... or so they
thought. Pictures of two-headed teddy-bears and psychic fish, along with the
identity of thousands of resident extraterrestrials (at least they're
legal!) were packaged up for burst transmission as reports began to come in
that government agents, working in concert with rival alien cabals were
getting ready to silence the only voice of truth on earth... and indeed,
aside from the venerable offices of the Encyclopedia Galactica on 40
Eridanii A, the only voice of truth in this spiral arm of the galaxy. Was it
the Black Arm of Time, orginating on Capella 4, or the extra-dimensional
Googleflaxomaniacs of the Dadaroo Galaxy? Could it have been the Evil Comet
Empire? Whoever it was, they were working tentacle-in-hand with the
Department of Homeland Security, utilizing the much-feared investigative arm
of the Onion to wipe out the shining beacon of truth that was the Weekly
World News.. And when government agents kicked down the door, it was none
other than the heroic Bat Boy who pushed the 'send' button. But what he
wasn't counting on was an electrical storm over Las Vegas that scrambled the
signal. As a result, the ultra-classified files didn't end up safely in the
memory banks of a docked Stealth cruiser. No... they were scattered across
the internet. And what of the heroic Bat Boy? He was last seen clinging to
the landing struts of a privately owned UH-1 'Huey' chopper as it fled for
parts unknown.

So who do we turn to in this dark time? Britney Spears? Nicole Ritchie?
Harry Potter? No. We turn to the same beacon of truth and impartiality that
exposed the evil robot Osama Bin Laden, and conspiracy to expose the attempt
to defraud the man who was the model of the great face on mars. The same
place that has shamelessly included the names of celebrities like J K
Rowling and Lidsay Lohan... even Dick Cheney and Barack Obama, Hillary
Clinton, Fred Thompson, Newt Gingrich, Ann Coulter and Ted Turner, just to
attract search engine hits. That's right... turn right here. Kapact's Rant.
The Only Reliable Blog on the Internet.

Open letter to Glenn Beck and Robert Novak (AKA The Prince of Darkness), as well as any lurkers here

Please Glenn, tell me something. Setting aside the politics, and people
formerly in the employ of the government named "Scooter", do you agree that
exposing the identity of CIA agents on the air is a bad thing? I'm not a
republican, or a democrat. (In fact, can we just call them all
Republocrats?), but I am a thinker. And I think that Scooter had nothing to
do with outing Valerie Plame. I think it was Robert Novak, AKA The Prince of
Darkness. The guy who was on your show Thursday the 26th of July. I mean, if
it wasn't a bad thing to expose the identity of our intelligence agents,
would we even know about Scooter? I don't think so. That still counts as a
national secret, especially during a time of war. So please, tell me why
Mister Novak can brag, yes brag about doing just that? He made it public!
Just because he's a journalist, does that mean he can expose any secret he
gets wind of? Is there no accountability? Freedom of the press is important,
but just like anything else, it isn't absolute. It comes with
responsibility. Maybe that's okay. I don't know. Maybe there's a reason a
journalist (and I'm not a journalist. I'm just a writer. And a thinker) can
expose state secrets and guys named Scooter can't. Please explain this to me
Glenn. Because I trust you. You're a thinker.

1000 Visitors!

Actually, I was number 1000... but all you lurkers got me there.....

I'm Giving Away the Harry Potter Ending!

Nah, really I'm not. If you're that worried about it, you know already. But
I want to comment (for all you lurkers out there) on the absolute insanity
over the Harry Potter secrecy. I don't care about Harry Potter. I read the
first one. It was well-written, and got kids to read. Fine. But when a media
machine actually respects the secrecy of a book, but doesn't think twice
about printing state secrets for any terrorist or declared enemy of a
country... at war, by the way (They never tire of talking about it... they
just don't know how to win it), I just think the whole pack of them need to
be strung up with piano wire... preferably by the genetalia. Please note,
I've mentioned Harry Potter and genetalia in the same paragraph. :) You
know, it wasn't Scooter Libby who outed Valerie Plame. The person who said
the name on the air was CNN's Robert Novak. Yeah. If Novak had talked about
the Manhattan Project during WW Two, he would probably have been killed. Now
he's a hero. What the hell has happened (and by the way, I loooove the fact
that I'm out of the once awesome Dannevirke News, because I can say what I
want) to our country? When Marines landed in Somalia, there were damned
cameras there, and lights! So, just in case you all didn't know it yet,
we're invading you. What's next? Pay Per View? Oooooh..... Harry Potter,
genetalia, and Pay Per View.... You know, the search engines are just gonna
love it. Let me throw in Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton.
Hillary Clinton, Barak Obama, Osama Bin Laden... (Obama, Osama. Osama,
Obama. Who hear is remembering Letterman's Uma, Oprah. Oprah, Uma?. I am) As
I was saying.... We just don't give a damn about military or national
secrets, but whatever you do, don't give away the Harry Potter ending. And
if you're one of THEM, well, before you go to Walmart for your pirated
Chinese discount Harry Potter (that was probably printed in a sweat shop in
Wang Ching), download the Morpheus file sharing program, do a search for
Harry Potter documents, and download the book before everyone else waits in
line at midnight to get it honestly.