past week, the staff were not unprepared. Billions of files had already been
uploaded to a ship docked with the International Space Station... or so they
thought. Pictures of two-headed teddy-bears and psychic fish, along with the
identity of thousands of resident extraterrestrials (at least they're
legal!) were packaged up for burst transmission as reports began to come in
that government agents, working in concert with rival alien cabals were
getting ready to silence the only voice of truth on earth... and indeed,
aside from the venerable offices of the Encyclopedia Galactica on 40
Eridanii A, the only voice of truth in this spiral arm of the galaxy. Was it
the Black Arm of Time, orginating on Capella 4, or the extra-dimensional
Googleflaxomaniacs of the Dadaroo Galaxy? Could it have been the Evil Comet
Empire? Whoever it was, they were working tentacle-in-hand with the
Department of Homeland Security, utilizing the much-feared investigative arm
of the Onion to wipe out the shining beacon of truth that was the Weekly
World News.. And when government agents kicked down the door, it was none
other than the heroic Bat Boy who pushed the 'send' button. But what he
wasn't counting on was an electrical storm over Las Vegas that scrambled the
signal. As a result, the ultra-classified files didn't end up safely in the
memory banks of a docked Stealth cruiser. No... they were scattered across
the internet. And what of the heroic Bat Boy? He was last seen clinging to
the landing struts of a privately owned UH-1 'Huey' chopper as it fled for
parts unknown.
So who do we turn to in this dark time? Britney Spears? Nicole Ritchie?
Harry Potter? No. We turn to the same beacon of truth and impartiality that
exposed the evil robot Osama Bin Laden, and conspiracy to expose the attempt
to defraud the man who was the model of the great face on mars. The same
place that has shamelessly included the names of celebrities like J K
Rowling and Lidsay Lohan... even Dick Cheney and Barack Obama, Hillary
Clinton, Fred Thompson, Newt Gingrich, Ann Coulter and Ted Turner, just to
attract search engine hits. That's right... turn right here. Kapact's Rant.
The Only Reliable Blog on the Internet.
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